Week 4 - Ramsay, Tarts and Fish

Glazed Fruit Tart... mother will be proud.

I will start this post by saying WOW.

This WOW is in reference to a certain Mr Ramsay, but is not to do with him as a person but more as the brand. If you read my last post you will know that Gordon, or El Gordo as we, his close friends, like to call him, popped into Tante Marie last week to freak out most of the students. I would like to believe that his visit and my subsequent post on the matter had no real influence in the number of hits my blog got that evening and the next day. No, I would prefer to believe it was down to my eloquent prose and witty humour which somehow the readers could sense in the ethereal world of intertwining interwebs and were drawn to these very pages. Unfortunately the realist in me finds this hard to swallow.

So what pull does “Brand Ramsay” have... well since I began this blog at the start of this month, and up until I posted about El Gordo, my little blog had received 891 page loads from 609 unique visitors. Not bad an average of 28 unique visitors per day for 22 days. I posted the “Ramsay Post” at 17:56 on Thursday the 28^th January. I had 22 page loads from 17 unique visitors if my memory serves me correctly. By midnight, 6 hours later, I received a total of 200 page loads from 134 unique visitors. The following day I received 188 page loads from 99 unique visitors! As of today my blog has received 1279 page loads from 842 visitors for the month, not bad work, not bad at all. A thank you to the people at Stat Counter for providing the data as well as those at Google Analytics.

Pasta sauces created by El Gordo for Comic Relief

Well thats enough of that, I am sure only I am interested in all these numbers.... but just for your information, looking at the map Google Analytics provides of where you, my readers, come from, if I want to take a well earned holiday far away from all you blog fans out there, its going to be a tough choice between The Democratic Republic of the Congo and North Korea, neither of which, unlike Brazil, I am big in.

Week 4 at Tante Marie saw a few challenges, the first of which was to cover our celebration cakes (made in previous weeks) with an almond paste. Now lets be honest here. I hate this kind of thing, when I found out we were going to have to decorate this horrible fruit cake (and boy do I hate fruit cakes), and not only decorate it but we would get marked and it would go towards our final mark for the course, I wept. Please note though that I wept “on the inside”, it just wouldn't do for a northerner to be seen weeping in front of all these “soft southern furries” now would it?

And it wasn't just the fact that I hate fruit cake that had me weeping (on the inside, just making sure), but the decorating. My elder brother is the artist in the family, he can draw trees by “drawing where the trees aren't”... yeah he is that good! I on the other hand am not an artist, not in the slightest. The thought of having to make figures out of icing, little pretty flowers and piping little designs fills me with dread... firstly because of my complete ineptitude in such delicate things,but mainly at the thought of what “the boys” back home will think I have become down in the soft south.

Alas, stage one was to cover the cakes with a almond paste, a task that went surprisingly smoothly. Tomorrow I have to cover the almond paste with cold fondant which will serve as the final finish... oh dear god help me!

A face only a mother could love - Monkfish Head

A highlight for me last week was the fish lecture held by a lovely man (I forget his name, sorry) who is close to 70 years of age and has been dealing with fish since the age of 12. You could say he knew his stuff. I especially enjoyed the parts where he would show us how to fillet different fishes, just before which he would say “I'll do this slowly so you can see what I am doing”.... a flurry of movement and 2.67 seconds later a lovely Plaice had been turned into 2 half fillets and one full fillet... in the words of the late and great Tommy Cooper, “Just like that”.

Classmate Debs (she's Canadian and everything) Beef and Guiness Pie... don't ask what happened to mine!

As for actual cooking, the week saw the creation of Rough puff pastry and its use in a Beef and Guiness pie, a Tarte aux fruits, Carottes vichy, Simple fruit brulée (a recipe stolen from my mother), Vegetable stock that went into our Crème jardinière soup, Crème caramels, Lemon and herb stuffed roast chicken, Pommes de terre duchesse, choux au gratin, Quiche Lorraine and finally Chocolate muffins. Thursday saw the full day taken up by the hygiene course talked about in my last post, and the interruption by El Gordo, and that as they say is that.

 Crème Caramel... with some pointless whipped cream and blueberries.

Nothing terribly challenging this week, although the rough puff pastry was something I enjoyed making and will probably feature in my Budget Lunch... something I will tell you about in my next post.

So come back soon and find out how I get on covering my cake with the fondant icing, and how one goes about cooking a 3 course meal on a very restrictive budget.

Dylan

When Dylan spanked Gordon Ramsay.......

Now who owns a car like this?

Well wasn't that an unexpected event. Today we had a full day of theory classes culminating in an exam, upon successful completion of which will give us a Level 2 Award in Food Safety. The class was taken by the husband of the lady who presented the healthy eating class I wrote about in the last post.

This was however quite a different kettle of fish, meaning it was two things, both interesting and informative.... as well as being a prerequisite to work in a catering establishment. We learnt all about bacteria and viruses that can be spread by food, cross contamination, how to chill food fast and get it through the “danger zone” within the allotted 2hr time frame before bacteria start to multiply... and much more.

Some of the more interesting parts where the lecturers little tangents about work he had done as an expert witness in court cases, his work on tv shows such as Panorama and the “Britain's Worst.....” series where he was involved in finding the worst restaurant from a hygiene point of view. All much better than being told we could make pastry with low fat margarine!

Anyway... it was whilst we were learning the differences between detergent, disinfectant and sanitiser that we were rudely interrupted by the school principle Andrew Maxwell, a co-owner of the school and joint founder of Absolute Taste, Lyndy Redding and a geezer who likes to cook a bit and apparently does a not too bad job at it.It was a brief visit, he wished us luck with our exam that was following shortly and informed us that food hygiene courses are...


“like that ugly French teacher you had at school, they seem pointless and boring but when you get to France and see all the women you wish you had paid more attention”

Inspired.

The food safety guy then had a light hearted pop at one of his restaurants only getting 3 out of 5 stars in a cleanliness inspection... but it has to be said that 3 stars equates to a “good” rating, 2 stars being “satisfactory” and one star being “poor”... not all bad then!

We then had to get on with our learning while students looked at each puzzled and wondered if that actually just happened. It did. I have photos priced at £10 to prove it.

A covert picture taken by myself of Gordon Ramsay interupting our class, I tell you some people have no manners these days.

The test was dully administered and we had a full 60 minutes to complete it... we started at 16:00 and 25 multiple choice questions later I was out of the door by 16:10. Fate it would seem was smiling on me. As I exited with fellow classmate Lewis, we turned around to see Gordon Ramsay (if you hadn't guess it was him yet) leaving for his brand new Ferrari as a couple of the students on the year long course stood around star struck... not I though, oh no. I scampered... yes I said scampered, over to him thrust my hand out and asked in a tone which left little room for any other answer than yes, for a photo. We posed while Lewis tried to work the camera and I instructed to Gordon to “smile.... I'll make you famous” to which he had no response other than the awkward grin, but that could equally have been caused by me slapping his arse. Oh yes I did.

Gordon... meet the competition... look at the fear in his eyes...

he is trying to hide it, but its not working!

I am sure he was thinking... “who the fuck is this guy and why the fuck do I have my arm around him?” A question which he will soon know the answer to the first part at least. You see, unbeknownst to Gordon at the start of the year wheels were put in motion that could quite literally change the landscape of the British restaurant industry, and with his investment in Tante Marie he was playing a part in the rise of the next great culinary master (that's me if you were wondering) which will inevitably eclipse his own great accomplishments......

OK OK maybe not.... but you never know, maybe.... does one no good to ever count me out! ;-)

And that's that. My meeting with probably one of my only 'idols'... a word I would have been hesitant to use until actually meeting him after all the years of watching him do something I love on telly.  Today was a good day.

Dylan


p.s.  Its a Ferrari California if you like those sort of things...plate reads "8 GJR"  Gordon James Ramsay!

My Cooking Experiences - Part 1 - Pot Washing and Poker.

So today was the first day at Tante Marie, well it would have been if it hadn't been for all this damn snow that has fallen in Woking! Anyway, rather than ranting about how the country grinds to halt when a little snow falls, something I'm sure you don't want to hear, I thought I would run through a couple of jobs I have had in between non-cooking jobs over the years.

Having done a few weeks pot washing at a local Italian restaurant, whilst in Sixth Form studying for my A-Levels, a friend of mine Chris (aka Gringo) called me one Thursday and asked if I could cover his shift pot washing at a local cafe bar/restaurant the next day. I asked him why he couldn't do it, “I am going on a date with this really hot bird” he said, begrudgingly but being a team player I agreed to cover his shift and my 18months at the Foyer Cafe Bar & Landing Restaurant began.   Incidentally Chris recently married his “hot date” and I didn't even get a mention in his speech... how rude!

The Gringo and his beautiful wife

To cut a long story short, I spent a short while on the pots before being moved on to the heady heights of cold starters, vegetables and bread after showing an interest in how the dishes were made. I was also put in charge of teaching Chris the correct way to slice hot bread so as not to crush it and create a stodgy “dough ball” in the middle, a task he never succeeded in mastering to this very day. Sad sad times. It was fun to work there, but looking back I think we would have been a real contender for Gordon Ramsays Kitchen Nightmares show, especially with the mishmash menu consisting of Tapas, pasta dishes, wraps, steaks, pheasant... and pretty much anything else you can think of! I had just completed my first year at university when I left, and my next job involving cooking was to come on the other side of the world some 4yrs later.

My cooking experience down under on an Australian island came by after winning a couple of grand playing drunken online poker for the first time... to clarify, I was drunk and it was the first time I had played poker online, its not a niche market where one has to be drunk to play! I started with a mere £50 deposit, kept drinking beers from my fridge, and 8-9hrs later crawled to bed thinking I had won £2000. Waking up mid-afternoon with a serious hangover I proceeded to log into my poker account and see just £1200 in my account. Assuming I must have made some bad plays and been a little silly to lose £800 and not remember, I popped out to Tesco for some hangover cures and nourishment. Eventually I got around to checking my email and was, to say the least, very surprised to see an email from Emirates confirming my flight to Perth, Australia departing in 3 weeks time! After some research it appeared that a drunken me had decided to go to Australia for 6 months. Having recently returned home from working on a yacht as a deckhand for the previous year, in the Caribbean and Mediterranean seas, I was unemployed and looking for something to do. Turns out I had paid for the flight on my credit card and then then wired the £800 from my poker winnings to my card to clear it... amazing the feats one can achieve when they can barely see 2 feet in front of themselves at sill o'colock in the morning!

Cottesloe Beach.  My favourite beach in Perth

So, I spent the first month enjoying the beaches by day and the bars and clubs of Perth by night. Pretty soon I found my funds were running low and in desperation not to return home to a British winter, I ended up falling into a job selling satellite TV door to door... a whole other story and one that doesn't fit the remit of this blog. After 3 months of selling subscriptions in suburbs of Perth, enough was enough. I went to a local “backpacker job shop” and asked to see what was about job wise... nothing as it turned out. I reverted back to my pre-door-to-door selling days and partied by night and enjoyed the sights and sounds of the beach by day. Wonderful.

Unfortunately my funding soon became critically low and I was forced to return to the job shop and see what was available or go home... success. “I have a job but I don't think you will be interested, Its on a massive 80km long Island miles from anywhere, there are no shops, no bars, not even a letter box! Just a family of four, their homestead, the 12-14 guests they have stay with them, and a maid”.... Mmmmmm maids (in the style of Homer Simpson if you will).

Dylan the Explorer on DHI

Never being one to turn down an 'experience' I gleefully accepted the job on Dirk Hartog Island and two days later embarked on the 10 hour drive north to Denham, where I met Kieran and his eldest son on their boat 'The Eendracht', named after Captain Dirk Hartogs ship that discovered the island in 1616.  We cruised the one hour or so it took to get to the island, and my time on DHI began.

The view that greeted me one morning while preparing to cook bacon and eggs on the BBQ... no photoshop, no filters, no nothing.  To this day I am yet to see a more spectacular sunrise

My job on the island was to cook breakfast for the guests, make pack lunches for their fishing trips on the 'Eendract' and finally cook whatever they had caught.   Of course we would have some meat in reserve just in case the fish weren't biting that day.

Me with hair cooking up steaks on the 'barbie' in my Foxtel sales uniform!

The main catch was the tasty Pink Snapper, with massive Spanish Mackerel also on the menu along with the occasional Tuna.

Me with hair, and a my first medium sized Pink Snapper

I spent 8 weeks on the island enjoying learning to fish, kayaking, the occasional 4x4 ride to explore the deserted island, staring at the stars when I switched the generator off each night, and seeing Tiger Sharks close up... like 20 meters from shore close, while being 18 meters from shore! Good times indeed!

Guests filleting their catch at sunset.

In part two... doing a ski season as a chalet host and cooking aboard a 60meter SuperYacht,  you know you want to hear what that is about!  So click here for the second part of this post

Dylan

My Culinary Influences... Part 2.

Part 1 can be found here

So Jamie Oliver gets most of the credit for getting me in the Kitchen on a regular basis and experimenting with a very wide spectrum of results. But it was a certain Gordon Ramsay who came crashing into my life in his series “Boiling Point” that changed my view on what was possible in a kitchen.

The series followed Gordon setting up his first restaurant “Gordon Ramsay” at Royal Hospital Road, after walking out of “Restaurant Aubergine” following a dispute with the owners. This was an eye opening series for me for a number of reasons. Before I saw “Boiling Point” I never knew this class of restaurant existed, and it was truly inspiring to see what went on “behind the curtain”. I also never knew you could get away with talking to your staff in such a manner without ending up in court charged with some form of abusive and threatening behaviour. What a guy, what a show!

You see Jamie was, and still is, about good tasty rustic home cooked food packed full of flavours, and that is great for home cooks. Gordon is all about perfection, the fine balance of flavours, the difference a change of texture can make to a dish, the meat and fish and veg cooked to perfection... and if it isn't all of these things and more, if even one little component isn't right, then the chefs hard work goes in the bin and has to be done all over again. Little wonder that his restaurants were so successful (things have changed during the credit crunch with Gordon having to close some of his establishments) and generated large profits. I have never eaten at a Ramsay establishment, but I yearn to... because I want to sample the food of any man (or women... no discrimination here) who is so blindly focussed on serving you the best dishes he can possibly create, no holds barred.

Follow this link to Youtube and wait for the fireworks to start 45 seconds into the clip, I have transcribed the “discussion” Gordon has with a chef below. Gordon in bold, and the chef he is “speaking with” in red italics....

What is going on here you? What is going on, one ravioli one f***ing foie gras, hey you, a**hole, you lost it again? You lost it again! What's your big deal? Why don't you f*** off home then! Go on f*** off home then! Hey a**hole... Yes Gordon... why don't you f*** off home then? Why don't you f*** off home? ...Because I don't want to Gordon.... Why have you f***ed it up? Have up lost it? ...No Gordon... Well f***ing wake up d***head!...Yes Gordon...

That should sort that out shouldn't it Gordon, you sure put him back in his place and focussed his mind on the task at hand?.... apparently not...

What's the big deal, one ravioli, one f***ing sautéed foie gras?!?! Do you want to go home and cry to mummy again?...No... Like a big f***ing wuss?...No Gordon... Guy puts himself in the s*** across the kitchen stands there blubbering like a f***ing baby!...Sorry Gordon... You got any bite back as a guy, you have any bollocks you?...Yes Gordon... Have you f***! As far as I am concerned you don't know your a**hole!

You could be be forgiven... once again for thinking that the chef has definitely been dealt with now and we can carry on with service, once again we are wrong....

What's he doing, Mark? One f***ing bass, one sautéed foie gras, one ravioli and you haven't even got the f***ing endive on! What's going on in your mind you? What's going on in your mind?...Not sure Gordon... What is it then, can't keep up? Tell me then!...Not sure Gordon... Your minds back at the f***ing beach again is it?...No Gordon... Unbelievable! Wake up ...Oui Gordon... or next time don't even set your f***ing alarm clock stay in your f***ing piss...Oui Gordon... then directed at another chef for brushing against him ever so slightly, so slightly I cant see it on the footage.... Do you mind not knocking me like a f***ing punching bag because I'm gonna lash out, do you understand?

Gordons 3 Michelin Star food may have made him famous, but it is without doubt its his “management technique” that made him infamous! I have heard many people who's first experience of Mr Ramsay was in “Hells Kitchen” or “Kitchen Nightmares” and they thought he was putting a persona on for the show. I for one don't believe this. As the “Boiling Point” series showed it isn't an act, it is him down to the bone and I for one loved it! Find me another character in any profession whom can get away with the kind of things he has said and done to many of his employees? And the best bit, they always came back for more because they knew how good he was and how much they could learn from him.

I find it understandable that he loses the plot a lot, he doesn't want much from his chefs, he just wants it doing right. Right to you and me would undoubtedly fall far short of his definition of the term, as his is most likely linked steadfastly to the term already mentioned in this post, perfection. If Gordon had chosen to be a builder I am sure he would have built some of the finest, well detailed buildings in country that were thoroughly thought out, sat exquisitely in their surroundings and prompted a yearning for one from those that saw it. Perfection just seems to be what he is about and if it isn't forthcoming I for one wouldn't like to be standing in his way!

So Jamie Oliver may have got me into the kitchen to cook, but it was Gordon Ramsay who made me strive for a final product that was good if not excellent, if not perfect! He also added an expletive or two to my vocabulary (which my mother isn't happy about, sorry mum) and showed me a world I never knew existed... and now, in a little over 24hrs, I am to attend the culinary school he is a part owner of!

What have I done? What have I let myself in for.....

Come back soon and find out!


Dylan